My Day One was mellow. I woke up late, took a walk, went to the studio to pay the rent and to help Gareth load the kiln, came home and cooked dinner - It has been a while since the last time I cooked. After so many months of being a loyal Seamless customer this feels like luxury. Go shopping, make food and eat at home like I used to. Why do I have to run all the time. This year, starting today, I"m working for my self full time. In my mind it is easier for me to look at this and think that I am putting myself in an experiment for one year, to see what I will come out of it, and I want to document how I spend it. I decided to make the log public so I have the pressure of having an audience and therefore I really need to get it done. I am seeing this as, even if I fail, I will at least have a year-long practice of keeping a journal so I should become better at writing the least.
I feel surprisingly calm and neutral on starting this new life of doing whatever I want to do for one year. I was vaguely dreaming of leaving my full-time work for some time, until it became obvious that I need to try it. I thought I would be excited, scared, or nervous today but I just feel like this is the most natural thing I need to do now, the time has just arrived so here I go. If anything I feel unprepared. But at this moment in my life I know I will never be able to start anything if I wait until I feel ready.
So I thought I'm not jumping up and down maybe because of the season. Somehow winter does not seem so fitting for embarking on an adventure. It's cold and the day is short, isn't it more natural to stay home where you know where things are and stay cozy in a blanket? Winter is a time to sleep and dream. Rather spring seems synonymous to awakening. But here I am. New year has a significant meaning in Japanese culture. After living more than 20 years in NY I am habitually very New Yorker but culturally still very Japanese.