Day Nine


I love being at the studio which is called Forest but I like being home too. I love coming  home and be nicely surprised by a tidy room according to my new habit I am developing. Although ofter times it is difficult to keep the surrounding clean but It should be on top of the priority list so I feel fresh, undistracted, new and ready to produce something good. At the end of the day I need to think and act as if I was my own client so I would take care the space for tomorrow's me. Also I think its healthier for me to have studio mates as having them forces me to organize the space and myself. If I was just my self I would be wearing the same dusty cloths everyday with messy hair, do not care much about what I eat and the space would be messy, I would just spread things out and I would not be happy because of these things I do to myself. Well that's not true, I like nutritious food, I like taking showers and I dislike a dusty space.  I don't need to think myself in negative words, I should feel that I am beautiful, making great work and I should be happy.

I do not feel lonely or alone when I work by myself in the studio all day long. For me it takes time to get in the rhythm of working. It is like dreaming. It is so easy to be distracted from a dream and the moment later I would not be in it anymore. Morning is a good time to produce. I can go on for 5  hours non-stop to just produce, that's a good day. 

Today I was not very happy and frustrated because I felt I was not being prouductive. I spent the morning unloading, packing, sending invoices, and measuring and drawing item specs. I was tired and that little whisper of "what's the meaning of this" came to mind. That's a trap question.  I answered that question when I was a teenager. Somehow my younger self was clearer and had more wisdom on certain things. The answer is there is no meaning. Why everything has to have a meaning? it's the process that I want to be in part of. Is that true? I don't know. It sounds like my sister who was confident that the egg came first before a chicken, of course! Then I got home and received a message from my friend who saw photos of my work somewhere and knew that I left my full-time work, and said that he wanted to see my latest work. On a day like this what gets me going is a card I receive in the mail, an email from a person who found me from Instagram, my studio mate who brings me lunch, a friend who forwards me an application to an artist grant, and an electric kettle for the studio to relax with a cup of tea in a ceramic we made.