Day One Hundred Ninety-Nine


I was asked about my first full time job and remembered the time when my manager asked me what title I wanted to have, I said Artist. This was completely irelevant to my actual tasks in space survey involving walking in and out, measuring and documenting millions square feet of space. I thought the question was funny, as if it was a makeshift position, something to fill the blank. But I was far from being an artist, in fact I believed I was incapable of becmoing one. Within my family I was never considered an artist. I was the one who lacks concepts and beliefs in the core, and by this I mean that's how I remember. My family now may say otherwise, and even if this is a memory I made up this notion has stayed with me. Even now once in a while it comes out and tells me that I have nothing important to say in my work.  I came across an article on how self delusional thinking can help continue producing work, with a quote by Michael Lewis, "A lot of my best decisions were made in a state of self-delusion. When you’re trying to create a career as a writer, a little delusional thinking goes a long way."  I can use this method myself. Somehow we, I, rather, assign a frame to be in. But can we cultivate a new image of ourselves even by tricking ourselves into believing being what we want to become. To this I say to myself I am a confident woman who has ideas to pursue.