Day Fifty


The article came out and I became unnecessarily self conscious. I had a hard time explaining how I came up with the theme “Fantasy and Nightmare” and what I meant by them. During the conversation I came to think that I was trying to identify the unexplainables through working with forms so they would become a tangible object and no longer abstract like an idea since they are given the outline. I thought I had the limitation in literal explanations and that could do better through forms.

I'm still trying to find what I mean. It is an interesting exercise: I started making a list of things I associate with “nightmare” and “fantasy” and came to a place where nightmare is something creeping out from the ground under my feet and is sticky and damp, whereas “fantasy” is someting floating in the air and is light like a feather, fluffy, and supple. Then I just remembered the black and white illustration of forest trees that appear to have eyes and a mouth hovering over a little girl. It’s an illustration from Andersen’s Red Shoes book I read as a child. Now I think about it it’s the image I've been having about a mysterious and scary but curious place. I was terrified by that story. I could be that girl. It's not entirely foreign to me. I read the whole story this morning and it is once again horrifying. I don’t know it was a good thing to start a day. I came out from the apartment and saw dogs running and people gathering in the park under the warm sun. It’s good seeing things alive.  After passing by adult skate-borders in the concrete slope field I came to the studio to find young leaves growing towards the windrow. My forest is a not a scary place for this moment. Although often I think plants are kind of creepy. They grow…