Day Forty-Eight


I'm glad I am at home. I almost stayed late at the studio. My day went fast in a scattered way. In the morning I trimmed plates, which I wanted to finish yesterday but didn't, checked the cooling kiln and trimmed cups and saucers. I then finished off the bottom of the glazed pieces to be packed up. This will be the last shipment of the succulent pots. I need to get rid of the habit of checking emails and phones while I am working with clay which is an effective way of getting distracted throughout the day. The problem with this is that not only my work is done in a scattered manner but at the end of the day I don't feel like I accomplished good solid work. This leaves me unsatisfied so I stay late and work late, trying to finish one more thing so I would feel like I finally accomplished something, despite the fact that I know late nights will make me work poorly in the next coming days. It creates a bad cycle. 

I received a UPS notification that the package I sent yesterday was delivered. It was actually picked up only a few minutes after I left it in the pickup locker. Thank you - I got lucky. While trimming the plates I came to think that I got the artist statement wrong. I don't agree with what I wrote yesterday. In the statement I said that the project was to help me define my experience through building forms and that "maybe I get to decide if I see fantasy or nightmare". But now I am thinking that is not what the project is about. I do not need to do a project to find out that there are related but opposite ends to a single event or experience that could be an illusion.  I was thinking that I have the ability to find the positive side, the fantasy side and see the ripen bananas and smell the sweet scent from guava fruits. No. I want so see the other side. I am more interested in seeing the monstrous banana plant flower that looks like going to swallow my head and the worms creeping out from the fruites on the ground. I would be then fantasizing experiencing nightmare. The project I submitted yesterday shall be called Fantasy And Nightmare As Of Yesterday. There will be another one.  "Living a life like my last day" sounds horrifying to me.  I would rather make imperfect one today and make another one tomorrow.  If it is bad, it will be conveniently forgotten. I would go with Woody Allen's theory. Try lots and one in ten will be okay.